Free from the building..... But are you free from your demons?

     Well, I guess you were set free in a way today. Free from the building, I have a feeling you knew the way to manipulate the system, time will tell. You ARE and ADULT... You either want to use the resources that so often people would love to be able to have or you will not. Either way, your choice. You are still mad at me.. GOOD... again I will not apologize to you for what I thought was saving your life, and giving those babies their daddy one more chance to get it right.
 Be angry... don't speak to me... you have done it before.... While you think that it cuts me to the quick... reality check!!!!!!! Been there done that, have several trophies. God has a plan and a purpose.... never once did I tell you to not run back to the woman that has abused you, neglected you, or belittled you. Instead I tell you it's your life, you have to find out for yourself. In doing this, you negate the core of your being from those who have stood by your side no matter what your choices. Time to stand on your own two feet and man up. It will happen again, nothing has given any indicator that anything has changed, will change or has ever changed. How much of your true self do you have to lose before you realize the truth? Again your life, you have to live in it, not me; however, do not blame me for your choices.
  Your brothers are hurt to the core, you left them like they were nothing more than trash you take to the curb. Blame that on me too, I am okay with that, but we know the truth, If you walk in lies, you live in them as well.  I wish you great success, but I am letting you go. There are no more options here. Our emotions, finances and kindness are broken completely,and again you placed blame on us. I do not recall asking you to move in, and taking over our lives, when we did not ask for any of this? When did you decide that honoring your parents was no longer an option? You preach it, but you choose not to live it. We did not hinder your relationship with her, those were your choices, as they have always been. Yet we get the scare from that, and have to pick up the pieces after you trample on our hearts. NO MORE. I hope it works, but after almost six years there is nothing to indicate that it will. It takes two committing and growing up, and realizing that it's a two way street that should have God guiding you both. I pray for that.... I pray that you both seek treatment, and learn that the toxic relationship you both have you both create together, and teach your children what a relationship is all about. You both dictate how they will choose, their mates.  I am sure when it happens again, your father will be happy to share a place with you. We cannot and will not do it again.
  I only hope that we are allowed to see our grandchildren, after all in the madness you both created, we took care of them day and night, while you two did whatever you wanted with no regard to them whatsoever. We fed them, we bought them clothes, we bathed them and played with them, WE sheltered them from those storms you had. We parented while you two played.  So don't punish them for being pissed at me, they have endured enough trauma from you both, and to take them away is the utmost of cruelty, since you both said it would not ever happen. But the reality is, it it will, and it is to punish me. When in reality it hurts them too. I don't need to see you, I am happy to pick them up at your sisters house and bring back when desired.
 If you never see me again because you are so angry, then I hope when I go onto the next phase of my life, you will realize that when you love your children you will save them if possible. That day June 7th at 3 am with the text you left me, dictated that moment, and I hope and pray you never experience the pure hell you have dealt me since you were 17 years old and left. You did not just hurt me and worry me, but you also affected Grandma, as she cried too, the man that is getting married and asked you to be his best man..... utterly hurt... but it is what it is.. right.. ..
 I wish you love, happiness and most of all PEACE internally. One day you will be able to be alone with yourself and be okay with that. Until, you set those demons free, it will never change. So the evil BITCH you both call me, that went to hell and back for you both, is done. You are not the only child I have, and I have certainly taken away from the others because you acted like you needed me, you asked me to help. When in reality, I cannot and I will not help you anymore. You both only need help when you want something. Shame on me, for believing your's and her lies. And thank you for letting me give you five glorious days by yourselves to figure it out, at my expense. Then toss me out like trash, and make me out to be the one that started it all.
Classy way to treat your mother, and yes my daddy would whip your ass for the way you have done us. And continue to treat us, but again your demons to deal with, not mine. I am moving forward. Yes I will continue to journal. It gives me peace and comfort to let go of it all.
You have made your choice again, I am fine with that, I am not fine when it falls apart, so don't run back this way for us to fix anything. Figure it out for yourself, Stand on your own two feet and act like an adult. You are not five anymore, I cannot fix this and I will not.
 I pray for you both, and I pray you both seek the right type of counseling. The right way, your choices, your life, your demons.